I am not a morning person. If I’m going on a vacation, I might be excited to wake up early to catch my flight. If it’s Christmas and I’m 7 years old, I might be excited to wake up early and reap the rewards of being nice vs. naughty. All other mornings, you will catch me snoozing and dreaming of an afternoon nap.
On the rare occasion that I am up and about in the morning (like on National Donut Day), I recognize my place as an outsider as I marvel at the calm other-worldliness of it all. Who are these early risers? These dog walkers, these stroller pushers, these I’ll-have-my-ususal coffee drinkers…..do they all know each other? Do they have a secret nod? Can they tell that I’m not really one of them? I bet they can. Just the way I can tell that 90% of the people standing in donut lines today are not really donut eaters.
Much like the night before Thanksgiving when a bunch of non-cooks are bumbling around clogging up grocery store aisles, National Donut Day has become a national cheat day with early bird weight watchers coming out of the woodwork to get their yearly serving of frosted fried dough. You’d think donut shops would be the natural habitat of the single digit o’clock crew, but they aren’t quite.
If you joke that honey lavender is a candle scent and not a donut flavor, this day is not for you. If you are normally slurping protein smoothies or plain oatmeal or gnawing on carrot sticks and giving me dirty looks while I order a half dozen with a fork, I will see you later. If you change your single donut order 3 times at the cash register, please move to the back of the line. Or better yet, there should be two lines similar to the TSA: one for frequent donut eaters and another for those who are wearing lace up boots and toting full-size bottles of shampoo. Because NEWSFLASH: donut amateurs are causing donut shops to sell out by 9:15AM. The gall. Where have they been for the other 364 days? And now it’s NINE FIFTEEN IN THE GD MORNING AND THE DONUTS ARE GONE.
Since this is the reality that we now live in, let me give you a few tips:
1) Get there early – there will be lines, even at Dunkin’. Come on.
3) When in doubt, let your fingers do the walking. I’ll be seeing you on a non-holiday, Daylight Donuts, and I will obvs be getting a “Something To Crow About” shirt since donuts are one of my top crowing topics.
(featured above: free donut with any bev at DD. maple bacon apple fritter, strawberry basil, honey lavender, saigon cinnamon sugar from Pandamonium. all purchased before 8:30 in the morning and now I’m going back to bed.)